The Vision by Rick Joyner
EPIODE 45
The Reformer's Wife
Then a woman I did not know stepped forward. Her beauty and grace were breathtaking, but it was not sensual or seductive in any way.
"I was his wife on earth," she began. "Much of what you know of him actually came from me. Therefore, what I am about to say is not just about him, but about us. You can reform the church without reforming your own soul. You can dictate the course of history, and yet not do the Father's will or glorify His Son. If you commit yourself to making human history, you may do it- but it is a fleeting accomplishment that will evaporate like a wisp of smoke."
"But your husband's work, or your work, greatly impacted every generation after him for good. It is hard to imagine how dark the world would have been without him,"
I protested.
"True," she answered. "But you can gain the whole world and still lose your own soul. Only if you keep your own soul pure can you truly impact the world for the eternal purposes of God. My husband lost his soul to me, and he only regained it at the end of his life because I was taken from the earth so that he could.
"Much of what my husband did, he did more for me than for the Lord. I pressured him and even gave him much of the knowledge that he taught. I used him as an extension of my own ego, because as a woman at the time I could not be recognized as a spiritual leader myself. In a sense, I took over his life, so that I could live my life through him. Soon I had him doing everything just to prove himself to me."
"You must have loved her very much," I said, looking at him.
"No, I did not love her at all," he said to my amazement. "Neither did she love me. In fact, after just a few year of marriage we did not even like each other. But we both needed each other, so we found a way to work together. Our marriage was not a yoke of love, but of bondage. The more successful we became, the more unhappy we became, and we were empty wretches by the end of our lives. the more deception we used to fool those who followed us.
"The more influence that you gain by your own self-promotion, the more you must strive to retain your influence, and the more your life will become dark and cruel. Kings feared us, but we feared everyone, from the kings to the Peasants. We could trust no one, because we were living in such deception ourselves that we did not even trust each other. We preached love and trust, because we wanted everyone to love and trust us. But we, ourselves, secretly feared and despised everyone. If you preach the greatest truths but do not live them, you are only the greatest hypocrite and the most tormented soul."
Their words pounded me like a hammer. I could see that my life was already heading in the same direction. How much was I doing to promote myself rather than Christ? I began to see how much I did just to prove myself to others, especially those I felt in competition with or those who disliked or rejected me. I began to see how much of my own life was built on the facade of a projected image that belied who I really was. But here I could not hide. This great cloud of witnesses all knew who I was beyond the veil of my projected motives.
I looked again at this couple. They were now so guileless and so noble that it was impossible to question their motives. They were gladly exposing their most devious sins for my sake, and were genuinely happy to be able to do it.
"I may have had a wrong concept of you by your history and your writings, but I have even more esteem for you now," I told them. "I pray that I can carry from this place the integrity and freeciom that you now have. I am tired of trying to live up to projected images of myself. How I long for that freedom!" I lamented, wanting desperately to remembe every detail of this encounter.