Seeing With Eyes Closed

I closed my eyes and tried to see the Lord again, but I couldn't. When I opened my eyes, Wisdom was still staring at me. With great patience, he continued:
"You have tasted of the heavenly realm, and no one ever wants to go back to the battle once they do. No one ever wants to leave the manifest presence of the Lord. After the apostle Paul came here, he struggled for the rest of his life as to whether he should stay and labor for the sake of the church or return here to enter into His inheritance.
But his inheritance was magnified the longer he stayed and served on earth. Now that you have the heart of a true worshiper, you will always want to be here-and you can, whenever you enter into true worship. The more focused you are on Him, the more glory you will see, regardless of where you are."
Wisdom's words had finally calmed me. Again I closed my eyes just to thank the Lord for this wonderful experience, and the life He had given to me. As I did, I started to see His glory again, and all of the emotion of the previous worship experience flooded my soul.
The Lord's words to me were so loud and clear that I was sure they were audible: "I will never leave or forsake you."
"Lord, forgive my unbelief," I responded. "Please help me never to leave or forsake You." This was both a wonderful and a trying time.
Here the "real world" was not real, and the spiritual realm was so much more real that I just could not imagine going back to the other. I was gripped both with wonder and a terrible fear that I might wake up at any moment and find it was all just a dream.
Wisdom understood what was going on inside of me
"You are dreaming," he said. "But this dream is more real tha what you think of as real. The Father gave men dreams to help them see the door to His dwelling place. He will only dwell in men's hearts, and dreams can be a door to your heart, which will lead you to Him. That is why His angels so often appear to men in their dreams. In dreams they can bypass the fallen mind of man and go straight to his heart."
As I opened my eyes, Wisdom was still gripping my shoulders. "I am the primary gift that has been given to you for your work," he said. "I will show you the way and keep you on it, but only love will keep you faithful. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, but the highest wisdom is to love Him."
Then Wisdom released me and started to walk toward the gate. I followed with ambivalence. I remembered the exhilaration of the battle and the climb up the mountain, and though it was compelling, there was no comparison to the presence of the Lord and the worship I had just experi-enced. Leaving this would be the greatest sacrifice I had ever made. Then I remembered how it was all inside of me, and I was amazed that I could forget this so quickly. It was as if a great battle was raging within me, between what I saw with my physical eyes and what I saw with my heart.